Good Day!
I guess I have been away for too long. My last post was on June 29th 2019 I think. That's like close to 7 months ago?
Life has been super hectic ever since I moved to KL. I've been working for almost 8 months (never thought I would get this far). Also I have already completed my professional exam upon passing my last paper in Dec 2019. Boy it was such a relief. Now all I need to to do is just to complete my compulsory 36-month working experience before they would admit me as a full member.
Anyway, enough talking about my job and part-time studying (no more). For the past 3 months, I started noticing that something has changed about me.. I am no longer happy like how I used to be ( I wasn't always happy, but now I belive it's getting worse). My mental health is not really stable, and it definitely affects my overall health as well. I have been sick couple of times and I am mentally unstable and drained....
Life has been super taxing these day. I don't think it has to do so much with work. Trying to find the crux and I think everything stems from me. Yes , my SELF. I have issues with myself. Something isn't right but I'm not sure what or even why and it slowly affects my social life. I have been sad and not happy at all. I wanted to cry but no tears... The pain is excruciating but I just don't know how to express it.. It's killing me from inside..
I've been battling my inner demon since last few months. Only few know what I'm actually really going through... I'm scared. I have yet to develop the 'suicidal thought' but I'm just worried that I will someday... I want to seek help, but even I myself not sure what exactly has been bothering me...
Frankly speaking, I'm really tired having to go through this feeling. Am I depressed? Am I not normal? I JUST DON'T KNOW. There are times where I just feel like giving up, but the thoughts that I have family that I need to take care of and a little sister that I need to protect sort of hinders me from doing something stupid.. I have never ever thought of harming myself, but I'm just tired.. Tired of myself, tired of living, tired of having to constantly battling my inner demon...
Dear Lord, why am I being tested this way...
I guess I have been away for too long. My last post was on June 29th 2019 I think. That's like close to 7 months ago?
Life has been super hectic ever since I moved to KL. I've been working for almost 8 months (never thought I would get this far). Also I have already completed my professional exam upon passing my last paper in Dec 2019. Boy it was such a relief. Now all I need to to do is just to complete my compulsory 36-month working experience before they would admit me as a full member.
Anyway, enough talking about my job and part-time studying (no more). For the past 3 months, I started noticing that something has changed about me.. I am no longer happy like how I used to be ( I wasn't always happy, but now I belive it's getting worse). My mental health is not really stable, and it definitely affects my overall health as well. I have been sick couple of times and I am mentally unstable and drained....
Life has been super taxing these day. I don't think it has to do so much with work. Trying to find the crux and I think everything stems from me. Yes , my SELF. I have issues with myself. Something isn't right but I'm not sure what or even why and it slowly affects my social life. I have been sad and not happy at all. I wanted to cry but no tears... The pain is excruciating but I just don't know how to express it.. It's killing me from inside..
I've been battling my inner demon since last few months. Only few know what I'm actually really going through... I'm scared. I have yet to develop the 'suicidal thought' but I'm just worried that I will someday... I want to seek help, but even I myself not sure what exactly has been bothering me...
Frankly speaking, I'm really tired having to go through this feeling. Am I depressed? Am I not normal? I JUST DON'T KNOW. There are times where I just feel like giving up, but the thoughts that I have family that I need to take care of and a little sister that I need to protect sort of hinders me from doing something stupid.. I have never ever thought of harming myself, but I'm just tired.. Tired of myself, tired of living, tired of having to constantly battling my inner demon...
Dear Lord, why am I being tested this way...
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